Sean's Secret Life of Crime by Lbilover

Inspired by this entry in Neil Gaiman's blog. FYI, this story was written in 2006. The rules have changed since then, but the story has not. :-)

Sean glanced surreptitiously around him. Every passenger traveling in first class on this red-eye flight to New York appeared to be asleep, save for him and Elijah. 

Now would be the perfect time, he decided.

Elijah had on his headphones, listening to his iPod while his bare foot jiggled on top of his thigh in time to whatever music was playing. Sean looked over at him and mouthed ‘bathroom’, and Elijah nodded.

Sean reached down and unzipped his carry-on bag, and pulled out a small plastic tube that he quickly concealed in the pocket of his cargo shorts. Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and headed for the lavatory at the front of the plane. 

The flight attendant was dozing, strapped into her jump seat, and Sean felt absurdly relieved. For god’s sake, anyone would think he was about to commit a crime. Well, technically he supposed he was, but on a scale of 1 to 10, this would barely even register.

Sean opened the lavatory door, and stepped inside, the glare of the light making him blink after the relative darkness of the cabin. He quickly shut the door and pulled the tube out of his pocket, setting it down next to the tiny sink. It was ridiculous to feel so nervous, he thought. 

Clearly, he was not cut out for a life of crime.

An unexpected noise made him jump and whip his head around. So nervous was he that he’d completely forgotten to lock the door. It abruptly opened, causing his heart nearly to stop, and there was Elijah, filling the remaining space in the tiny cubicle. 

“Lij, wh-"

Elijah slid the lock into place with one hand, while the other went to the nape of Sean’s neck. He had his mouth locked on Sean’s in a hot, possessive kiss and his right leg hooked over Sean’s left hip before Sean could even finish his startled exclamation.

“What are you doing, Elwood?” Sean gasped with some difficulty, when they finally came up for air. 

“What do you mean, what am I doing? Isn’t it obvious?” Elijah said, his lips gliding warmly along the line of Sean’s jaw, while his hands worked under the hem of Sean’s polo shirt and pushed it up. “I saw you put that lube in your pocket, Irish. Don’t tell me you came in here intending to wank off.” He urged Sean closer to him, digging his heel into Sean’s right buttock while his hands began to roam over Sean’s back. “I’ll be very disappointed.” The reason for his disappointment was blatant, and burning against Sean’s hip through faded denim.

“Oh my god.” Sean rested his forehead against Elijah’s and laughed weakly. “Elijah, I came in here to brush my teeth.”

What?” Elijah tilted his head back and stared. His hands grew still. “With K-Y jelly?” he squeaked.

Sean blushed bright red with embarrassment. “No, but I… well, last night I emptied out a tube and cleaned it and refilled it with toothpaste. I know, I know,” he went on hastily as Elijah’s eyes widened with astonishment. “We’re not supposed to bring toothpaste on the plane, but I can’t stand not being able to brush my teeth, not after eating that awful airline food, and it’s not as if I’m a terrorist or anything…”

Elijah burst into helpless, hysterical giggles. Sean clapped a hand over his mouth- not that anyone was likely to hear him over the drone of the plane’s engines. This proved to be a bit of a mistake, however. Those bright blue eyes narrowed in mirth, those warm lips tickling his palm, were a potent aphrodisiac. 

Sean had never understood how anyone outside a movie or book could want to have sex in a tiny, cramped airplane lavatory, but the idea was starting to hold one hell of a lot more appeal than brushing his teeth. His body certainly thought it was a better idea, at any rate- regardless of any aftertaste left by the overcooked, over-seasoned beef.

Elijah peeled away Sean’s hand. “S-Seanie,” he said unsteadily through lingering giggles. “I’m s-shocked- shocked!- that you, Mr. Law Abiding Citizen, actually did something so totally illegal. Why,” he lowered his voice to a seductive whisper, although his eyes were still laughing, “next thing you know, you’ll be having sex with your boyfriend in an airplane bathroom.” 

“I don’t think there’s any law against that, actually,” Sean replied, a smile tugging at his lips. “Good thing, too. I limit my law breaking to illegal tooth brushing.”

“Which brings up a fascinating point. We’ve never tried using toothpaste for lube before.” Elijah unhooked his leg and began unbuttoning his jeans. “I wonder how well it works.”

“Keep wondering, Elwood. If you think for one moment that I’m coating my dick in ultra-whitening, extreme mint explosion Crest…”

“You mean you don’t want to feel that fresh, minty sensation while you fuck me?” Elijah joked as he shimmied his jeans and boxers down his hips with some difficulty. Even for two small guys like Sean and Elijah, the bathroom was a tight fit, and if he started bumping his ass against the door, someone was bound to notice. “Besides, extreme explosion sounds kind of promising.”

“I’m never going to live this down, am I?” Sean asked rhetorically, shaking his head as he unzipped his shorts and let them fall. “Sorry, Lij, looks like your choices are spit or hand soap.” His boxers followed his shorts, revealing an already impressive erection that bobbed forward and touched Elijah’s as if in greeting. 



“Not if you don’t move back a little. I can’t budge, unless I want to stand in the toilet. Not a great idea when we’re thirty thousand feet in the air.” 

Elijah managed to shuffle back a few inches out of temptation’s reach, and stepped out of his jeans. 

“Looks like it’s going to have to be hand soap, Elwood. My mouth’s gone dry,” Sean said, looking at Elijah, naked from the waist down, his flushed cock curving up through the tails of his shirt.

“You’re in luck, Irish,” Elijah said. “Some of us are actually law-abiding citizens, and our bottles of personal lubricant are exactly what they seem.” 

“Don’t tell me…”

“Hey, I’m like a Boy Scout- always prepared. Remember that time the lube bottle was empty? Taught me a valuable lesson, Seanie. Always carry a backup.” He fished an identical bottle of K-Y out of the front pocket of his button-down, popped the cap, squirted a generous amount of the clear gel into his palm, and then tucked the tube back in his pocket. “Fuck, Sean, do you have any idea how many times I’ve fantasized this moment?” 

“You have fantasies about us making love in an airplane lavatory?” Sean asked incredulously.

“Of course I have. Jesus, Sean, with all the hours we spend on planes, are you telling me you don’t?” Elijah rolled his eyes in disbelief. “What am I going to do with you?” He had been rubbing his hands together, warming the cool gel, and now, as if in answer to his own question, began slicking it over Sean’s cock.

“That’ll do for a start,” Sean replied on a gasp. “But if you keep on doing that with me, an extreme explosion is going to happen right now, and there won’t be much fantasy fulfillment taking place.” 

“Can’t have that,” Elijah agreed, releasing him with a final caress, and in one lithe movement had his legs wrapped around Sean’s waist and his arms around his neck. “Fuck me, Seanie,” he whispered into his ear. “The way I’ve imagined it. Hard, and fast, and- oh!” He dropped his head to Sean’s shoulder, and bit into the fabric of Sean’s shirt to keep from crying out as Sean filled him in one swift motion of his hips thrusting upward. 

It was hard, it was fast and it left them both limp and trembling in the aftermath.

“Oh god,” Elijah whispered, as Sean lowered him carefully to the floor. “Oh god.” For once, his sassy mouth seemed to have completely deserted him.

“Can I take that as a compliment, Elwood?” Sean asked.

“What do you think?”

“Lived up to your fantasies, did it?”

“Nope.” Elijah cradled Sean’s face between his hands. “It was better, a million times better.” His eyes were alight with love as he added seriously, “But then it always is.”


“Jesus,” Sean whispered when they were back in their seats at last. “I was afraid there’d be a line of people outside the door when we came out.”

Elijah grinned. “Maybe they got tired of waiting.”

“Oh shit, did you have to say that?” Sean peeked around his seat, but there were no outraged passengers or flight attendants glaring at him, so he settled back, closed his eyes and let himself drift into his usual wondrous post-sex-with-Elijah trance, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, and his hand clasped firmly in Elijah’s. 

Maybe he was cut out for a life of crime after all, he decided. Although, come to think of it, he never did get around to brushing his teeth.