Porn and Treacle by Lbilover

Makes reference to a famous incident that Elijah mentioned in an interview.


The great thing about supermarkets these days, Sean thought, was the international section. Sure, you could order international foodstuffs online, but sometimes that didn’t quite cut it, and this was one of those times, otherwise known as an ‘extreme emergency’.

Ah! There it was: Heinz Treacle Sponge Pudding. Thank god the store wasn’t out.

Damned if he didn’t almost start drooling just from the sight of it. Talk about your Pavlovian responses.

Stacked next to the treacle pudding was Heinz Spotted Dick. It was funny, but that suggestively named dessert had absolutely no effect on his libido, whereas treacle pudding...

Context, Astin. It’s all context.

Sean emptied the shelf of treacle pudding without remorse. He wasn’t about to be caught with his shorts down again. And he meant that literally. When your partner, who had the world’s biggest sweet tooth, was in the mood, and that mood was the porn and treacle mood, with you, spread-eagled naked on the bed, supplying the porn and Heinz the treacle, a pantry devoid of treacle was nothing less than disaster.

Never again, he vowed, hurrying to the express line.

Porn and treacle: a New Zealand tradition. One Elijah, wisely, had kept to himself.

Heinz Treacle
Heinz Treacle
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