This story combines two of the great loves of my life: Sean/Elijah and Calvin & Hobbes. :-) The cartoon that inspired this fic is included at the end of the story. Icon by Frodosweetstuff.
What did you give a hobbit for his birthday when he already had everything? That was the dilemma that Sean had been wrestling with for weeks.
Elijah owned every CD known to mankind (and probably, from the sound of the music, some that were known only to aliens from distant galaxies), a pocket-sized car that suited him to a ‘T’, enough computer and electronic equipment to satisfy the soul of the geekiest of geeks, and a lovingly restored Craftsman-style house that was as perfect in every detail as the man who had bought it and now shared it in (mostly) blissful content with his lover.
Adding to the difficulty of finding a present for Elijah’s birthday was that, while he wasn’t the sort of person who needed or wanted extravagant tokens of affection, Sean was the sort of person who needed and wanted to offer them. It was a conundrum. Sean had already arranged for them to leave the day after Elijah’s birthday for a vacation at the Powderhorn Chateau, to revisit the magical days spent filming on Mount Ruapehu, but that trip had been planned upfront with Elijah. Their lives were too full and too hectic simply to take off for New Zealand at the drop of a hat. As it was, they had to be back in time for the opening of Ali’s community theater play, and the EP release party for a new band that Elijah had recently signed to Simian Records.
So that still left Sean needing to buy a present that he could surprise Elijah with on the day, and he was at his wits’ end, ready to tear out his hair with frustration, when their refrigerator, of all things, supplied the answer.
Like the refrigerators in every other American household, the Astin-Wood refrigerator was as much a personal statement as a place to keep food cold. The front was festooned with an eclectic selection of magnets, artwork created by Sean’s girls, and refrigerator poetry (usually suggestive or downright obscene, and always written by Elijah). It also held some of their favorite comics, clipped from the newspaper or printed from the Internet, and it was from one of these that Sean got his inspiration.
By George I’ve got it! Sean thought jubilantly as he re-read the cartoon that Elijah had given him after a particularly horrendous day in which he’d totally blown an audition for a role he’d badly wanted, and his car had blown a tire on the 10, causing him to miss Elizabeth’s after-school soccer game.
He spent some quality time googling on the sly, found exactly what he was looking for, and quickly filled in his credit card and address information, grinning like a fiend all the while. It was perfect for Elijah. Totally perfect.
The birthday boy emerged from the bathroom and struck a bodybuilder’s pose. He was in his birthday suit except for a pair of tight briefs that left little to the imagination, and he was wearing a shit-eating grin of such high wattage that it could’ve powered a small city’s infrastructure.
“Well, what do you think?” Elijah asked, turning slowly in a circle, still flexing his biceps.
“You’ve never looked sexier, Elwood.”
“Yeah, I’d say these underpants are definitely me,” he agreed happily.
Sean couldn’t help it- he cracked up. “Any other guy would want a scarlet satin thong or some black leather with chains. Not you.”
“And any other guy’s guy would buy him that shit. Not you. You’re as fucking crazy as I am, thankfully. I still can’t believe you were able to find these.” He canted his hips forward, the better to admire the blue, yellow and red rocketship design that adorned the white cotton briefs. “Rocketship underpants,” he cackled gleefully. “Fuck. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to have lucky rocketship underpants like Calvin. How did you guess?”
“Doesn’t every 28 year-old guy secretly lust after lucky rocketship underpants?” Sean joked, and then he was staggering under the weight of a patented Elijah full body hug.
“You nut,” Elijah said. “This has to be the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten.”
“To be perfectly honest, it’s a selfish present,” Sean confessed, copping a feel of the muscular rear concealed by the rocketships. “I figure next time I have a really shitty day, you can put these underpants on, and it’ll cheer me right up. No offense to Calvin on the fridge, but let’s face it, you do things to rocketship underpants that no cartoon character ever could.”
“I aim to please, Seanie,” Elijah said, rubbing against him in a way that should probably be illegal (but thankfully wasn’t), “and may I add that I’m relieved you think I, ah, measure up?”
“Oh yes, you definitely measure up,” Sean assured him, insinuating one hand between them just to make certain. He started shuffling backward toward their bed, no easy feat considering that Elijah’s tongue was now in ear, doing such amazing things that his knees felt weak. As soon as those weak knees hit the mattress, he toppled onto his back with Elijah sprawled over him. “In fact, given the evidence, I’d say you’re on the launching pad and ready for liftoff.”
Elijah’s giggle turned to a gasp as Sean turned on his side and pulled Elijah’s knee over his shoulder. Somewhere along the way the lucky rocketship underpants got lost in the covers, but it didn’t matter, because by then underpants, lucky or not, were definitely superfluous - Sean had already sent Elijah shooting straight into orbit.