Originally written in 2005 for the Toilanddrouble 'proverbs' challenge.
Frodo Baggins loved many things about Sam Gamgee. He could (and often did) spend hours mentally cataloguing the seemingly endless list of Sam’s virtues. But Sam also had one very unfortunate habit, a habit that Frodo privately called ‘Like My Gaffer Always Says’. Frodo sometimes thought that if Sam uttered that phrase one more time, followed by some well-worn Shire proverb his father had taught him, he would be forced to take drastic measures.
The final straw came one night in the cozy master bedroom at Bag End. Things were just nearing a particularly critical point- “hurry, Sam, hurry!” Frodo was panting- when the fatal words fell from Sam’s lips. “Like my gaffer always says,” Sam began, “‘haste makes-'" It was simply too much. Gaffer Gamgee was not taking up residence in their bed.
Frodo flipped a startled Sam over onto his back, grabbed the oil, and proceeded to employ the threatened drastic measures so effectively that even the curls on Sam's feet went limp.
“You were saying?” Frodo asked when he’d regained his breath. Sam gave him a blank look. “About your gaffer?”
“W-what's a gaffer?”
Frodo smiled with satisfaction. Actions, he decided, definitely spoke louder than words.